I am an awful journalist.
No, no, this is no modesty on my part. I'm very happy to tell anyone who'll listen about my various talents and achievements, no, this is based in fact.
Like the fact that the difference between my final year of undergrad and my current masters is that in the former, stress was a great motivator, I got stressed and then wanted to finish my work. However, in the latter, I have found that stress is merely leading to avoidance. I simply am not motivated to do the work right now for any other reason than it will get me a masters at the end of it.
Not the best reason I hear you thinking, well yes, exactly. That's a terrible reason to put myself through a stressful and intensive year of university.
The sign that a kind of work is right for you is not that you don't feel the pressure, but that the pressure isn't debilitating, your enthusiasm for the work needed is what wins the day. For me, when trying to write journalistic articles, my only enthusiasm is for when, after it's finished, I can think about philosophy again, or do some writing of my own.
Therein, I believe, lies the rub, the writing I am doing for this course does not feel like it's properly my own, I have none of the usual precious protectiveness about it that I would do for one of my stories or peices of music.
One thing I have gathered about journalism so far is that to do it, you need to be utterly committed. God knows I complain enough when I see journalists being lazy with their subject matter - you've got to be able to do more than just churn stuff out, you've got to be a bloodhound, to follow the stories wherever they go and gather insight along the way.
In theory, I love the idea of this, but in practice, it's incrediably dull for me. Some of you may know I've been considering going back to philosophy, my old academic dominatrix, and doing a Ph.D. I'm still not sure about this, as it seems all I ever do in academia is distract myself from what I'd really love to be doing, which is writing full time.
That's not to say I don't love studying philosophy in a way that journalism will never match, but it's a bit of a johnny-come-lately in terms of my obsessions. Writing was always the goal; whether it be comedy, fiction, commentary or the occasional poem.
On a positive note it's valueable to be able to say I have learned something from the course I'm on, and the next term looks to be a far more enjoyable experience.
You're clearly a talented writer, have you considered writing philosophical commentary?
ReplyDeleteThanks :). I have done, but the problem is that 1) if I'm doing something philosophical, I'd like to do it in an academic context, I like the give and take of being surrounded by other scholars and 2) it's perhaps a little too esoteric to gain an audience. You've read my stories, I'm esoteric enough as it is! :P
ReplyDeleteI've found that the "usual precious protectiveness" you mention can get in the way of me improving my writing. Once you get past the expurgence of the core ideas and emotions (which need to be poured out unimpeded initially to ensure that the writing comes from a "real place") then I am finding that a few days/weeks breather and then vigorous brillo-pad scrubbing of The Piece (even, horror, by a known harsh critic) can lead to real improvements. However, where I am overprotective of a piece (even worse when I am overproud of it) any scrubbing, be it by brillo-pad or even a brisk flannel, is too much for my ego.
ReplyDeleteIt's a balancing act between writing for yourself and writing for other people. Before I wrote just for myself. But then people often don't understand the writing. So now I think about the people who might consume the writing - but find myself less able to just spill out a story without thinking how others will see it.
A balance somewhere between these two is the end-goal. But I don't expect it to come easily.
What's my point? The harshness of journalistic writing (and its unemotional lack of "the usual precious protectiveness" in your mind) could well allow you more of the objectiveness that pushes good writing into great writing.
Keep it up.
[Now I must, regrettably, go back to my academic writing which, like yourself, I would currently rather eschew for some philosophy.]
Hey Alex! Good advice I think there, though I must admit that even though I am very precious about my writing I think (or at least I would like to think) that I'm not a bad editor of my own stuff.
ReplyDeleteI've exposed my fiction writing to critism before, and have had recommendations made for me, and in general I've been ok with it. I've enjoyed the chance to improve my writing (and that's certainly what I have to do sometimes!). That's not to say the ego doesn't sting a bit, but its generally a positive experience for me.
With journalism I've increasingly found that I don't really care if people like it or not, and am equally happy to change what I write massively, or just not bother. I think its more the fact that the writing doesn't feel like its coming from me, but from the expectations of others. If it meets those expectations, even if only just, then it's fine and I can move on, but it feels very mechanical.
I take your point that a harsher editorial attitude could very well help me, and there is plenty more stuff to learn yet, so I have no intention of quitting at the moment.